Claudia's Angst
by mcpon14
Summary: This story takes place when Kristy, Stacey, Claudia and Mary Anne were in the 7th grade, before Dawn arrives in the series. Alternate Universe. Oneshot. (Claudia's the narrator.)


There was a lull in the chatter and I took advantage of it. You see it's 5:55 and everything that has been said about how cute baby Lucy Newton was has already been said and exhausted. Oh sure, I thoroughly enjoyed the gushing and the gushing over her puffy cheeks and how effortlessly she gets people to absolutely melt in the palms of her tiny adorable little hands. And how when she sleeps, she is the epitome of absolute joy and bliss to be around. At moments, I feel like gathering all of the materials necessary and build a shrine to her. And, basically, if I didn't think people would think of it as being weird, I would absolutely prostrate in front of her. The goddess. Once, I could of sworn that she was levitating. It was only noticeable to the ones in the know - to the chosen few, I bet - while aghast in an euphoric glow. I thought that I was witnessing, witnessing . . . . um, um . . . oh, where was I?

Ahem. Anyways, to get back on topic . . .

Uh. Actually. Before that. Let me tell you a little about myself. I'm Claudia Kishi and I'm in the 7th grade. My friends and I began a babysitting service. We have meetings on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from five-thirty to six in the afternoon. And oh, oh, OH, darn it! Where is my pen! I felt my pockets. I dove down and unzipped my backpack, rifling through all of the - yech - school stuff. And the ONE school item, that . . . oh, never mind.

"Uh, Claudia?" Mary Anne interjected through my tunnel-vision.

I looked up, probably like a dog that had just noticed that its owner was holding a doggie-biscuit. "Yes?" I answered, riding on a cloud of hope.

"Are you looking for these?" she asked, while holding up a bag of M&M's and shaking it in front of me. I had just passed them around and, I guess, she wanted to let me know that they had understood that I was sharing them and not giving the whole bag away. I don't know.

"No," I sighed.

After I had recovered from my disappointment, I asked, "But . . . did you guys get enough to munch on?" As I said that, my eyes swept to Kristy's left ear, which caused me to gasp. But then I was crestfallen because it was only her pencil. As usual. I don't know why I had thought that it would've been my pen.

Then I had a thought: Wait a minute? Was I actually missing a pen?

Then a sharp blaring voice blasted through my thoughts: "Meeting adjourned," declared Kristy.

As everybody got up to leave, I reached out my hand as if to grasp one of their sleeves. Wait, wait, wait, I thought. But the words just would not come out. I watched as each of them filed out of my bedroom doorway.

Then a hand clasped itself on my extended hand, which still hung in the air.

"Whoa, Claud. Get a hold of yourself. You were almost falling," Stacey said as she worked to steady me.  
I leaned back and rested the back of my head on the wall.

"Stace," I pouted. "Stay with me on this but what do you think of whenever you drink something using a straw?"

"I don't know."

"Do you like the feel of your lips on it?"

Stacey thought about it then looked right at me and said: "Claud. What's wrong?"

I threw up my hands. "Oh, I don't know," I sulked.

* * *

I had a dream that night. My mind harkened back to a specific day. Before our lives - before the Babysitters Club really took off and we were suddenly inundated with a flurry of activity since it coincided with many of our other extracurricular activities taking off too - took over. I remembered that day. We were so bored - Mary Anne, Kristy, Stacey and I - and were laying on my front yard on our backs looking up at clouds trying to think up of what to do. Someone suggested riding bikes to the Washington Mall but we passed. Someone else then proposed that we should watch television but nobody was in the mood for it. The highlight of that episode out on my lawn was when Kristy got a piece of dust or some kind of fleck in her eye and it made it water. She tried to scoop it out with a finger. And then it happened. It happened as clear and as indelible as a beautiful butterfly landing on the palm of your hand and you see it dawdling there with your attention rapt on the sight and at that moment, you think that that is all there is in the world before it breaks your concentration and flutters away. Kristy's eye caught mine and I saw how teary it was, (probably because she had been digging at it but don't tell ME that) how every pixel that comprised that eye stood out and how absorbing that picture was. It was so absorbing that it hushed out the sound and snuffed out the scenery of the background. I felt a strong compel to reach out and dab it with my finger - that if I did, I could make the discomfort go away and share a moment with her where our love for each other would be revealed to each other and we would take it from there. But she broke away and looked down. She scratched at the eye and I guess she got rid of the speck of matter that was irritating it. That's the main reason why I decided to stay with the Babysitters Club. I mean, otherwise, I probably would not have seeing how different she and Mary Anne were than me at the time. We just gravitated to different crowds. But as I wallowed, esconced in my own mind, I think of how much I looked forward to the five-thirty to six meetings every other weekday, and how intoxicating Kristy's voice is. And of how much I looked forward to hearing it. I'm a smart girl but my grades do not show it. Maybe that's the reason why I'm so distracted at school. The reason sure is (at least partly) the Babysitters Club . . . but not for the reason that my parents think it is.

Then I woke up with my mind whirling and my thoughts spinning above me. Is it true? Did I really join because of an intimate moment that I shared with Kristy that not even SHE knew about? I knitted my brow in thought. Then I screwed up my face in thinking.  
Eh, whatever, I have school in about ten minutes.

I sit in my room right after our Friday Babysitters Club meeting. I try to pick up with my nostrils the faint traces of smell individually left behind by each of the sitters that have just left. I want to say that I caught myself doing it . . . but I wasn't really sure.

I then plop myself on my bed. I catch a whiff of Stacey's lingering perfume. Oh my Lord, it smelled so good. It took me back. It took me back to a Babysitters Club meeting that we had last week when Stacey decided to show up early to hang out. As she sat there flipping through my notebook of sketches, I was hearing this little voice in my head. And it was singing a song by Blade of all of things! I thought that I was going crazy so I went to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face which caused my lipstick to run. I traced a circle around my mouth with my finger. I read in a magazine that women typically consume their lipstick which is how it gets off of their lips and I thought about why I shouldn't just help that along, so I promptly scraped it off of my finger and ate it. When I had reentered my room, I was still hearing the little voice but it was now humming the Blade song. As I tiptoed up to Stacey, her mouth wasn't moving but the humming seemed to definitely be coming from her so I got my answer. When I was right in front of her, she looked up with a startle and with soft doeful eyes accompanied by a sweet smile. And now that I think back to that event, I now know what she was trying to communicate to me. Message received, I thought, as I sat there with my eyes closed and my head tilted back, basking in it.

Then I remembered that during the meeting, Mary Anne was sitting on the floor and Stacey was sitting on the bed for a change. I felt an urge to do something and then decided to do it: I put my feet behind her back and laid on my side with my head dangling off of the bed. Throughout the whole meeting, I kept looking up at Stacey's throat. I wanted the full view of it and this was the only vantage point that could get me that. Even though what I was doing might have looked bizarre to the others, I didn't care. Whenever Stacey moved, I could see the bounce in the waves of her permed hair.

As I stared more and more intently at that throat, I tried harder and harder to imagine an Adam's apple there. Maybe the more I could narrow the beam of my staring, the more I could perceive it being there.

* * *

It was Monday in the afternoon around ten minutes before meeting time. I sat on the toilet with the door open. I was pretending to take a dump. The sink partially blocked the view so all you could see were the lower part of my legs and my bottoms around my ankles. I was hopeful but at the same time I was tamping down the redness that was threatening to blossom on my face.

As Mary Anne came up the stairs, she saw me and immediately blushed with wide eyes. She prompty thundered down the stairs. I felt let down. I was hoping more for a Freudian slip of a kneejerk reaction, something akin to a quick licking of the lips but it didn't happen. That was my first thought but then as I squeezed my thighs together, I felt that I had some rethinking to do. I sat there looking down at my knees, those knobs, deep in introspection.

"Hey! Shut the door!" Kristy hollered, which jerked my head right up and almost sent me sprawling onto the floor.

Abort mission, I thought.

During the meeting, I watched intently as Mary Anne chewed the pen in her mouth that she was using. She had it on her since she needed it on hand whenever she needed to jot down something in the Club notebook. Even though, she was being neat with the gnawing, she still was leaving traces of noticeable slobber on it. I didn't know how I felt about it and was preoccupied with contrasting sexual feelings clashing in my head: on the one hand, her saliva seemed appetizing but on the other, the pen did. Then I suddenly perked up as if I had just been stirred out of a trance. Hey, that's MY pen! I didn't know if it was or not, to be honest . . . but I, I don't know. I just felt a surge of need for it.

"Mary Anne," I said with as casual of a voice as I could muster. "Can I see that pen?"

She slid it out of her mouth which played out in slow motion for me as I watched. It gave me goosebumps on my skin. She then handed it to me without even looking up. "Sorry, Claud. It's got my saliva on it."

My hands were shaking as I reached out to grab it. From the corner of my eye, I could tell that Stacey was looking at me with concern. Everybody was silent. All activity in the room seemed to have stopped in anticipation of me taking that innocuous writing implement. It seemed to take an eternity for this exchange to be over with. Then a small titter escaped from me and I just went for it and snatched it.

"So, uh, Stacey? Do you want the job?" Kristy asked, breaking the heaviness in the air.

"Yes. I would love to see Lucy again. And Jamie. I hope he doesn't feel left out since his sister is getting so much attention."

"Yeah, and he's getting so big!" Mary Anne added with a slight squeal.

"Jamie is really adorable," I said, although it was hard to understand what I was saying because I was chewing the pen while I was talking.

While Kristy was calling Mrs. Newton back, I was scrutinizing my inner situation.

After awhile, I felt that I had found closure and exhaled out of the left corner of my mouth.

"I think I need a pet," I blurted out loud to no one in particular while Kristy, Mary Anne and Stacey were deep in conversation about what presents they thought Jamie might like for his birthday, even though it was two months away. The pen was not in my mouth this time.


End file.
